turtle! turtle! turtle!

Millions and bajillions of years ago, a new species of life arose that was unlike any other. Its impervious scales and ability to lay shelled eggs allowed it to conquer the age-old disaster of drying out before birth and after. We called these beasts early turtles or stem reptiles because all the lines of vertebrate life above the amphibian level lead back to them as branches converge in the trunk of a tree.

Because of their keen survival skills, these turtles were able to survive centuries of evolutionary changes and still maintain life within their bony box. As the Permian, Jura, Cretaceous, and Cenozoic periods came and went, turtles (and cockroaches) were the only species that were able to maintain their philosophy of meditation and passive resistance.

Perhaps because of their slow nature, turtles did not begin to evolve until about 26 years ago in the form of my friend Matty. When he came into this world, society first rejected him for his unhurried nature and apathetic outlook. We just didn't understand. However, Matty was well-equipped with the inherent traits of his grandparents, hard working turtles from the Old World of Atlantis who came to this country to create their own destiny. So when Matty moseyed on down to DC from Philadelphia, he knew what he had to do.

In reality, we should actually be thanking you, Matty, for showing us the world through a turtle's eyes. Because of you, we have come to appreciate the small wonders of the world: ignoring evites, taking advantage of public transportation and being really really really quiet. So when you go home at night and lay your eggs by the shore, know that we all are glad to have you.




Matty rules.